Falling further into the abyss…

This street sign I passed earlier sums up my existence pretty well:


After meeting with my care manager and therapist, I feel even more hopeless about my situation.  My therapist mainly just listened to me vent, then told me not to make any rash decisions about moving back to the UK until I’d spoken with my care manager.  But as always, my care manager didn’t seem to grasp the urgency of getting the ball rolling NOW with regard to housing applications and looking for supportive housing.  He hadn’t even made any inquiries since I heard from him via email when I was still in the UK 2 weeks ago.  He says that he will talk to my former care manager, which he should have done 2 weeks ago.  The same goes for my health insurance – he doesn’t know what he’s doing and left it until our meeting to talk to the person at the clinic who knows about health insurance.  I told him repeatedly that I don’t want to end up in Motel 6 again or worse, the Hotel Cadillac.  I endured 4 months of hell at Motel 6, which was a haven for drug dealing, drug use, prostitution, crime and all sorts of crazies housed there by the local Department of Human Services.

I feel like I wasted yet another hour of my existence meeting with my care manager, plus the 45 minutes each way walking to the clinic, which was anxiety provoking due to the usual unsavory characters I pass on the street in this city.  I almost got mowed down by a car on the way back, when I had right of way.  The driver did this right in front of a stationary cop car, but the cop did nothing.  I felt very uneasy walking home and hideously ugly.  Rochester seemed even more run down and depressing than usual, but some of that is due to my mood and the dull, dreary weather.


I emailed 3 more ads for rooms on Craigslist this morning, but I’ve only had one reply to say that the room is already taken, despite being listed today.  I can’t even find an ‘accepting’ Airbnb host here, because the 3 I contacted to explain my situation haven’t even responded.  I didn’t have this problem in the UK, when being transgender and introverted are not frowned upon so much.

I got a confirmation in the mail that my health insurance will indeed terminate as of March 31, 2018 (tomorrow).  My care manager attempted to call them, but the representative wanted to speak to me, but I was too anxious to speak to him.  He wouldn’t have been much help anyway.

2018-03-30 13.45.14.jpg

To add to my woes, I got a quote from UPS for shipping my clothes, shoes and laptop back to the UK and it blew my mind.  They quoted almost $1,000, which is more than twice what I’d have expected and this essentially means that I’d have to abandon many of my clothes, which I’ve spent 3 years accumulating.  Because I’m tall freak, buying many items of women’s shoes and clothing in my size has to be done online and isn’t cheap, especially when it comes to pants and shoes.

L, my roommate wants to pay the landlord April’s rent, even though she’s afraid that we won’t get the security deposit back.  I really don’t want to pay it because I NEED that security deposit.  She’s moving in with a friend, so she doesn’t have the same necessity as I do to get that money back.   I’m going to have to tell her that I am not paying April, but I know that will cause friction when the landlord calls her and starts complaining.  I don’t feel obligated to pay it, because this whole fiasco wasn’t my doing and I had no intention of moving for the time being.  I haven’t even lived her for 6 months.

Basically, I’m fucked.  

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5 Responses to Falling further into the abyss…

  1. I am so sorry about your troubles. My heart goes out to you.

    Liked by 3 people

  2. dawnautom says:

    I’m sorry everything is all F”ed up for you sis.


    Liked by 2 people

  3. Wish there was a way to go over that care managers head to a supervisor. There must be. It might not accomplish anything but maybe worth a try. ❤️

    Liked by 1 person

    • Little Miss Snowflake says:

      I am actually going to do that today when I go to the clinic. .I’m fed up with it I just don’t like complaining when i know they’re stretched.

      Liked by 1 person

      • Good! It is unfortunate that there are people in the helping professions who don’t want to help or are not proficient. But you should never settle for being their victim (inadvertent it other).


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