Too much chaos

I don’t know where to begin, but I’m reluctant to write anything too long as no one reads this crap anyway and I feel like all I’m doing is repeating myself and making myself look like even more of a joke than I already am.  People have either given up on me or maybe some derive pleasure from watching me drown.  Perhaps I should just get on with drowning and not give anyone the satisfaction of watching me drown, but I’m not one to bottle things up and I’ll most likely keep this bullshit going right until the end.

I may have found a place to live, but it’s another shared house with ‘stranger’ roommates and it’s a bit above my budget, which is going to hurt over time.  According to Federal guidelines, housing costs above 30% of my income, but with rent and utilities, I’m going to be spending almost 40% of my income on housing costs, leaving far less for anything else.  I won’t be able to afford electrolysis anymore and I don’t want to eat into what I’ve got saved, because I still want to return to the UK and I need those savings in order to make that at least financially possible.  I really don’t want roommates, especially after how badly the current shared house has gone wrong.  L hates my guts because I told her that her decision to leave and dropping the bomb on me with less than 5 weeks to go has made me homeless.  She not only took Priscilla (her cat) without even giving me the chance to say goodbye, but she just showed up and basically took all the kitchen utensils, some of which don’t even belong to her.  It’s a good job I’m high-tailing it out of here tomorrow and leaving for Toronto, because there is literally nothing to cook with and no plates (those were’t hers either).  As for K (the second roommate), she continues to make my existence that bit more miserable by being loud and obnoxious and bringing over her even louder and more obnoxious boyfriend at almost 1am (I’m not going to sleep tonight thanks to their noise and L loudly moving her stuff out).  I cleaned the kitchen over the weekend, vacuumed all of the cat hair and debris off the stairs and the floors, cleaned the cats bowls, cleaned the shit out of the kitchen and watered the plants (that she also took).  Do you think either of them have or will thank me?  The only reason I did it is became I don’t want to live in a pigsty and because I don’t want the state of the house being somehow blamed on me.  I will take photos before I leave tomorrow, especially as K has said that she’s having a going away party here on Friday night and I shudder to think of what mess they’ll make, but I will be long gone.

My care manager doesn’t ‘care’.  My insurance coverage has ended and he didn’t lift a finger until I got someone else involved.  He wanted me to take the re-certification form down to Social Services tomorrow, but I told him I can’t as I’m struggling to get everything done with packing and having to transport the rest of my belongings to storage tomorrow on my own, without a fucking army of friends and boyfriends like L and K have at their disposal.  I’m tired of being alone here and it’s situations like these that make it impossible.

I’m out of here tomorrow anyway, so with any luck my next update will be from Toronto, where hopefully I’ll feel as safe and as un-threatened as I did last time I was there.  I don’t want to have to come back to Rochester and deal with the ‘inner city neighborhood’ Airbnb guest house, in an area where someone was shot dead in the street over the weekend.

Even if I do take that room, I won’t be able to move in until July and I’ve no idea where I’ll stay in June.  I’ve looked for temporary sublets and have even placed an ad on Craigslist to say that I’m looking for a room, but nothing so far.  I guess the girl subletting her apartment for 3 months that I met on Friday must’ve been put off by my ugly presence, because I never heard back from her.  That would have been ideal as it would have given enough time to either return to the UK after the school summer holidays or find affordable supportive housing here.  The latter isn’t going to happen anyway, because I have a care manager who hasn’t been a whole lot of help and has actually been adding to my stress levels lately.  I just want to get out of this house and away from these fucking children, because that’s how they act.  I feel like most people these days are completely and utterly self-absorbed and oblivious to the suffering and the struggles of others, despite supporting causes to do nothing more than make themselves look ‘cool’.

I used the bike share to cycle to and from the clinic this morning, taking advantage of the spring weather that has finally arrived.  I cycled around 6 miles in total and some of that was on main roads, meaning I’m getting used to cycling again after 15 years of not touching a bike since I learned to drive.  I don’t exactly feel safe cycling in certain parts of this city or on main roads and I don’t like the fact that I cannot wear headphones to drown out sound and any potential abuse directed at me from random strangers,


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