Worrying over nothing (I hope)

I called the doctor’s surgery and my prescription (including my estrogen) is ready to pick up, so I can breathe a huge sigh of relief for now.  I have an appointment with my new GP on Monday, so I hope she doesn’t mention it then.

I was going to go to Grantham to pick my prescription up and my folding bike from the bike shop today, but I opted to do it tomorrow instead, when I’ll have a Zipcar and will have to make at least 2 trips to and from Grantham anyway, when I bring my suitcases over here from my mum’s.  I haven’t driven in the UK and on the left since 2003 and I haven’t driven a stick since then either.  It’s been tricky enough at times to get used to cycling on the left, but driving a car will be more difficult, especially with the steering wheel not being on the side that I’m used to.

I decided to go into Newark today as I needed to buy bike lights and a kickstand for Athena (one of the two bikes I bought last time I was here in t he UK).  I was going to take the train to Newark from Fiskerton, but the train was canceled and I ended up cycling all the way instead.  It was quite a scenic bike ride and I too several pictures, including some of Southwell, where I’m currently staying at an Airbnb home:

I managed to do my grocery shopping at the huge Asda supermarket, I got Athena’s lights and kickstand fitted and stopped and had a Starbucks soy latte in Newark before taking the train back to Fiskerton and cycling back here to Southwell, mostly uphill.

This Airbnb is decent.  It’s a 300 year old house and the owner is a nice / non-intimidating guy.  There’s one other guest staying here, who I briefly saw last night and unfortunately he saw me dashing to the kitchen in my pajamas, which was kind of awkward as I didn’t even know he was there.  I managed to use the kitchen today though and made myself a baked potato with salad and hummus.  I’ve only cheated once on the vegan diet, when I accidentally made myself hot chocolate last night because I couldn’t sleep; it contained milk.  Hopefully I’ve lost more weight with the diet and with exercising again.

My mum is still sending me links to flats for rent, but I’m not ready to face that yet.  I can’t think about multiple things at the same time.  Right now, my priority is to just get my belongings over here tomorrow and Saturday and hope that I’ll be okay driving tomorrow and that nothing will go wrong..  She keeps asking if I’ve looked at the listings yet and I don’t know what to tell her.  If I start trying to do that now, I’ll get overwhelmed and will just shut down or panic.  I know that I’ve only got a month here, maybe a little more.  The owner explained that he can’t go beyond the second week of December because his daughters stay here over Christmas.  Christmas is one thing I’m not looking forward to.

I have 4 bikes but 0 friends.  I do wish that I hadn’t pushed them away, but I feel like I had to.  I could do with someone to talk to now, especially as I cannot see my therapist in the US anymore.   I’m trying not to let loneliness affect me too much, but that isn’t a battle I’ll ever win.

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