An ‘okay’ Saturday, despite a broken nail

Today hasn’t been a bad day, although it started off that way when my dyspraxia got the better of me; the end result was a broken fingernail and my mum still believing that there’s nothing wrong with me. I know better than to try to argue with her though, so I let it go. She doesn’t understand that I find so many seemingly simple tasks extremely difficult, but neither do most people. It’s bad enough having these problems without having to deal with people disbelieving you and I wish people in general would understand that I only ask for help when it’s for something I genuinely cannot do. People also have a habit of disbelieving me when I say I CAN do something, such as earlier when my uncle seemed surprised when I told him that I can cook for myself. I also recall one of the staff at the supportive housing apartment in Rochester seeming surprised when I told her that I could drive and had held a license since I was 18. I’ve had a lifetime of either getting little or no help at all or people wanting to give me the help that I didn’t need.

I finished cleaning the flat and made two trips to the nearby Asda supermarket, then my mum and uncle came over, which was pleasant. She brought some candles she didn’t need and an aloe plant, which was nice of her. My uncle can be a bit much sometimes, but he seems to have mellowed out a lot compared to how he was 3 years ago, after he found himself in a bad situation. He invited me to an Indian restaurant on Tuesday evening where he is going to a meeting of the local Labour Party that he is an active member of. I tentatively said that I’d meet him there, but I’m not sure if my anxiety will allow it. I used to be very political and even considered joining the Labour Party at one point, but I consider myself to be rather apolitical these days, disillusioned with mainstream politics both here in the UK and during my time in the United States. I barely even know who’s who in politics anymore and I’d probably look and feel stupid if I did go on Tuesday.

Tomorrow I’m going to my mum’s to get my other 2 bikes, including Persephone…my favorite bike that I brought with me from New York. Persephone is in a box though and I’m not sure I’ll be able to put her back together, especially the pannier rack on the front due to my god-awful fine motor skills and inability to do anything with a screwdriver or wrench except injure myself. I’m probably going to have to end up carrying pieces of Persephone over to the bike shop and asking them to put her back together, looking like a complete dumbass in the process.

For now I’m fine, here in my introvert hideaway.  Loneliness has only really been hitting me hard when I’ve gone out.

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