I received a letter today from the NHS operated mental health organization that I’d been told to ‘self refer’ to by my GP telling me that they are unable to help me, as they are only commissioned to treat ‘low level’ mental health disorders such as social anxiety. I don’t know why my GP couldn’t have just referred me to an actual psychiatrist in the first place, because I did mention that I have a diagnosis of severe anxiety, depression, PTSD and have needed an autism assessment since I was a child. The letter did include an autism spectrum quotient checklist, which I filled out, but I have no idea what to do with it now. I went to my GP’s medical practice to make an appointment, but now they’ve changed the system and everything has to be done online. This just adds to my stress and overall confusion, although I registered on their system and put in a request to talk to my GP about needing a referral to hopefully and FINALLY get an actual autism assessment, rather than be misdiagnosed with yet another mental illness that I don’t have and given treatment that not only doesn’t work, but actually makes things worse.
I received an email from my old therapist in Rochester, so I’ll reply to him and ‘spill the beans’ to see what he suggests. I’ve really been struggling and I’ve been getting dangerously lost in myself without having someone understanding to talk to, even if they are only paid to listen. He’s certainly not getting paid to contact me now as I’m no longer a patient there, so he must care. I will be honest with him and say that I don’t like my chances right now and I’m just as terrified of people as I was back in Rochester and I’m more dependent on my headphones while out in public than ever before, which isn’t exactly safe while riding a bike.
The weather has turned freezing cold here. In fact, it was so cold when I went out earlier today that I felt like I was back in Rochester. I still managed to cycle just over 10 miles and I got up early enough to buy groceries and avoid kids and families with kids. I can usually keep most of my body warm enough, but my feet and hands feel like they’re permanently frozen.