Even though my drinking has been helping me sleep a bit, it hasn’t stopped the nightmares or the intensity of them. I should try to get more sleep as I’m going to London for the day later to get the fuck out of Grantham, but I don’t want to risk having another nightmare.
I cycled from Bingham to Nottingham yesterday and took the train back to Grantham a total of 17 roughly 17 miles. Despite being a pisshead most of the time and despite having poor lung capacity due to a chest deformity courtesy of Beckwith-Wiedemann Syndrome, I still have quite a bit of stamina. The letting agent were finally supposed to be inspecting my flat today,. so I didn’t want to be there when they arrived. The weather was perfect for cycling: cool, sunny and breezy. Spring has come extremely early this year. Nottingham reminds me of Rochester in some ways, as it has a big river running through it, it’s similar sized, culturally diverse and it’s great for cycling, unlike Grantham.
My mum is still attempting to emotionally blackmail me using the cats as bait, because she knows how much they mean to me. I’m actually very sick of it and even just receiving a message from her is proving to be toxic and harmful. I just want to get out of Grantham and away from her forever; it’s something I need to do. I’m not like her and I cannot sweep the past under t he rug, like it never happened.
I’m hoping that there’s a chance that Brexit won’t happen after all, as MP’s voted by majority last night to take control of the Brexit process and hold further votes on several options, including a Norway style ‘soft Brexit’ and a second referendum, which would likely result in Remain winning this time and Britain remaining in the EU after all. I’m very scared to have any hope because whenever I hope for anything, I’m always left disappointed or even devastated. But I wish this Brexit nightmare would come to an end.
I’m going to try not to drink today because I have a long day ahead.