When I die

When I die:

I want the remains of this hideous body burned to ashes (cremated) as nothing would give me greater satisfaction or a greater sense of justice for all I’ve been through.  I don’t give a shit what happens to the ashes, but I’d rather they were just tossed in the sea and I see no point in being cremated in a casket.

I don’t want a funeral as aside from my mother, no one would attend.  Even if anyone else did attend, I wouldn’t want anyone there who wasn’t able to be there for me while I was alive.  A funeral would be a complete waste of money.

I don’t want anyone blaming themselves, nor do I want anyone blamed or held responsible for my death, as it will ultimately be my choice and my reasons for wanting to die are not as a result of any individual, but rather my physical appearance, mental health problems and loneliness.

I don’t want anyone thinking that my decision was an impulsive decision or an irrational decision.  I may be fucking depressed, but I’m not crazy or irrational.  Death is the only thing I am looking forward to, having endured a lifefime of pain and suffering.

I want everyone to know that really fucking tried my best and that I’m sorry for all the pain that I’ve caused.

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2 Responses to When I die

  1. Oryx says:

    I just wanted to let you know I read this, I know that you try your best even though things haven’t been going like anyone would want them to. I don’t think you’re crazy and I don’t think you’re a freak, and I’m sorry that people have made you feel this way. I can totally understand your desire to stop living, I’m not as strong as you are and my problems are not as big as yours and I still feel the same. I just want to give you a big hug whenever I read your posts. I truly hope I’m not triggering you in any way by saying this.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Sour Girl says:

      *hugs you back* no, you’re not triggering me. I think that’s why I hardly get any comments anymore. It’s not always that I’m triggered. I find words hard to understand and people and their intentions impossible to read. Problems are relative at the end of the dau. Perhaps someone stronger who is capable of being completely alone and doesn’t care what people think might be able to survive and function as me and wirh this life, but I just can’t do it anymore. I’m very tired.

      Liked by 1 person

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