TRIGGER WARNING: suicide
I hope this doesn’t come across as too ‘rant-y’ but it’s an issue I feel strongly about, based on my own experiences and from the experiences of others in similar situations, i.e. alone with a lack or absence of support.
Recovery from either mental illness, trauma or addiction is near impossible or completely impossible without love and support. I know that ‘depression recovery people’ don’t like to hear the truth, but every person I’ve known that has claimed to have recovered did not do so alone. Such people always had something or rather, someone to live for, whether it was their children, a romantic partner or a close circle of good friends (and I’m not referring to ‘online’ friends or ‘online’ support). I’ve had so many instances where I’ve been lectured on how I should love myself or do X, Y and Z by such people and I’m honestly so tired of it that I can’t even be nice about it anymore. I honestly don’t think that people with love and support in their lives understand what it’s like not to have those things at the time when you need them the most. There is a total lack of empathy from people who do not understand how awful loneliness and social isolation are when you’re dealing with mental illness.
I’m kind of tired of only using myself as an example, so I’ll talk about my best friend, L for a minute. She’s dealing with depression, anxiety and her dad’s serious illness. She loves her parents, but she is bearing the full brunt of caring for them and she’s doing it without any support. Meanwhile, her brother who has loads of friends and is married is very critical of her for how she’s dealing with it, but he doesn’t understand how lonely she is and how she doesn’t have the love and support of a partner through very difficult times. I’m sure he’s just as worried about his dad as L is, but the difference is that he has a partner to support him and far fewer struggles with mental illness.
Loneliness kills and no one should be telling anyone to accept it, as it is going against our very wiring as a social species. Combined with mental health problems and / or addiction, loneliness WILL kill you one way or another. Loneliness doesn’t necessarily equate to being alone and single, as it also applies to people who have people in their lives who they have to hide their illnesses or addictions from, because they think they won’t understand. This is most likely the reason why there have been many famous people committing suicide over the past few years, such as Robin Williams, Chester Bennington and Chris Cornell.
In my case, I’m basically fucked. Suicide is inevitable for me as I see absolutely no future for myself without some sort of intervention and major life change. I’m not sad about it, nor do I want pity or to be fed bullshit such as “It will get better” or “You are loved”. Such words are meaningless to me, as are those stupid inspirational memes that are all over social media; words on a screen. I just wish people who are fortunate enough to have love and support in their lives would stop fucking lecturing me and others in my situation about what we should and shouldn’t be doing. At the end of the day, there is no help and I just want to die, but I also want to be heard.
To have any chance of recovery, you need a reason or reasons to recover FOR, not just false hope or ‘more of the same’ plus the perils and pitfalls of aging.