I really *should* stop looking at the news, but doing so is impossible in the age of information that we live in. When it comes to Brexit, it affects me too much to just choose to ignore it. The latest news regarding Brexit is extremely distressing, as it means a ‘no deal’ scenario (worst case scenario) is now likely, as MP’s voted yesterday against a motion that would have taken ‘no deal’ off the table:
Basically, the Labour Party has failed in its role as a credible opposition to a Tory Brexit, as 8 of its MP’s voted with the government. The Labour leader, Jeremy Corbyn has been completely ineffective at opposing a Tory / hard Brexit, as he has sat on the fence and dithered for far too long. MP’s had a credible chance to stop no deal Brexit yesterday, but they collectively failed again. The UK is now on course to crash out of the European Union with no exit deal on October 31st, as it’s likely that Boris Johnson will become the next Prime Minister and he supports no deal, as do most of the Tory leadership candidates, most of whom are awful human beings. Boris Johnson himself has been compared to Donald Trump on numerous occasions and for good reason; he is a populist who sold a lie when he claimed that leaving the EU would mean an extra £350 million a week for the National Health Service. The Tories have caused so much irreparable damage to the UK and to British society and a no deal Brexit will make matters worse, as it will give them even more power.
The implications of a no deal Brexit are terrifying from my perspective. It will lead to food and medicine shortages, major job losses, further benefit cuts and cuts to public services and civil unrest. The NHS is at risk, especially if Britain is forced into a trade deal with Trump’s America as privatisation could happen if the floodgates are opened to allow US insurance companies to swoop in. We will lose our right to live and work elsewhere in the EU and for me that’s devastating, especially now as I’ve seen how my life could improve significantly if I were to be able to stay here in the Netherlands, where I feel safer when I’m out in public and surrounded by a greater number of people that most likely share my values. I feel that Britain is no longer a safe place for any minority group, as the bigoted proponents of Brexit will simply look for new scapegoats when they realise that the EU and EU migration are not the cause of Britain’s ills and that the days of Britain being a world power are long gone and that has nothing to do with the EU either.
Even if Brexit ends up not happening, I still have no desire to stay in England itself, but I would have given Scotland a chance. But if no deal Brexit happens, Scotland will be just as screwed as England and I will not be able to stay in the Netherlands legally and I don’t have the survival skills necessary to try to do it illegally. I admire the shit out of immigrants who can just uproot to a new country and survive, but I don’t have those skills It would be an uphill battle for me even if I were to be able to stay here legally, if Britain remains in the EU or at least opts for a ‘soft Brexit’ in which we’d still retain free movement of people.
I would return to Rochester (New York) if I knew I had somewhere to go there. My therapist and care manager still email me to update me on possible housing options, but there’s nothing concrete yet and if I returned, I’d be homeless and friendless I know my therapist is keen for me to return, but I can’t do it unless I have somewhere safe to stay, even if it’s just relatively temporary. As much as it pains me to say due to the difficulties I experienced in Rochester and the United States in general, I would choose to return there hands down over having to return to post-no deal Brexit Britain. The UK is a total lost cause as far as I’m concerned and all my worst fears about Brexit are coming true.
The latest Brexit news has really affected me in the worst way possible. I can’t sleep and my stomach is knots, caused by a sickening feeling of dread that hasn’t lifted since last night. The truth is that I won’t be able to stay here, so is there nay point in even trying when I don’t know how to go about doing so? I should just accept that this is a temporary reprieve and a chance to spend time with a close friend and do some of the few things that I can still enjoy, before facing the inevitable decision that I will have to make soon enough, I know that Brexit is only one of several legitimate reasons why I want to cease existing, but it’s up there with my other very legitimate reasons and it’s outside of my control.
I should have stayed away from the UK and just forgotten about the place, especially given all my past demons there and the issues with my mother. The country I left in 2004 no longer exists and has been replaced by a place that I no longer recognise; a place where hate crime and violence are on the rise and where politicians are using rhetoric that is becoming increasingly hostile to minority groups. I wish I would have let go of my distorted illusions of Britain before I made the grave mistake of returning there. I am so angry at Brexiteers, their ‘leaders’ and the heavily biased media that has caused this unnecessary nightmare. They should be the ones to have to suffer from the negative consequences of a no deal Brexit. I am ashamed to be British right now and I’m very fucking scared and feeling utterly hopeless.