K, my ex-girlfriend who I was planning to stay with for a while has triggered me again. I understand that she’s autistic and has no filter, which causes her to be brutally honest. But my brain doesn’t know how to differentiate and the pain that someone can cause me is the same, regardless of whether they meant it maliciously or not.
I don’t even want to go into the specifics, but it relates to my ugliness and I’m really hurting right now. I never got over her her telling me that I should go with her to Poland to get a nose job the last time we met 3 weeks ago. Since then, I’ve been even more self-conscious about this ugly tumor on my face. It’s not the first time that someone on the autism spectrum has upset me with a comment, but with her I feel like she can be extremely manipulative and she has a hidden agenda going on. I’m on the spectrum too, but I’d never make someone feel like they’re ugly and validate their insecurities. I also have a filter when it comes to knowing what to say about someone’s appearance. I avoid children partly because they have no filter and I feel like I have to avoid some autistic people too.
I’ve blocked her on Facebook, along with a couple of others who accused me of overreacting. Needless to say, I won’t be moving in with her. She’s too much of a risk to my already precarious mental health and she makes me feel awful about myself and misgenders me as gender neutral, which she knows full well that I hate. I feel like she doesn’t even see me as a woman and I’m sick of her referring to me as her ‘friend’ as if I’m still interested in her romantically to reject me, which I can assure you that I’m not.
With the Rochester option slipping away, I’m now homeless. I have no idea where I’m going to go next, but at this point, suicide is a preferable option to enduring any more of what ‘life’ throws at me.