Tag Archives: pain

Common traits with some mass shooters (mental illness, lack of support, loneliness, isolation and toxic envy)

As I’ve mentioned previously, I experience a lot of dark, intrusive thoughts.  These thoughts have become darker and more intrusive over the last few months in particular and I blame loneliness, isolation and intense envy of others.  Most of my … Continue reading

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Missing my soulmate terribly and wishing that I could take back the pain and wasted years that I caused her

If I’m perfectly honest, I have not been right since my ex-wife and I divorced 7 years ago.  I know she couldn’t stay with me because of my transition and I know that my transition was a terrible blow to … Continue reading

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My life just became more difficult (bike vandalised, loneliness, time to go)

I’ve only been back in England (South Shields)  for 3 days and already Persephone (my bike)  has been completely vandalised.  I was going to take her out today and I came down to find the tyres slashed, the bell destroyed … Continue reading

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The toxicity of my envy (and dysphoria too)

TRIGGER WARNING: Suicide, self-harm I have a huge problem with envy of others and I can’t control it. If it’s bad, it causes me to spiral into a depressive, self-destructive episode that can last for days. I have so many … Continue reading

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Chronic pain

Among the things I can no longer live with, chronic pain is right up there with my mental health issues, dysphoria and personal failures. I’ve had lumbar spinal stenosis since my mid 20’s, but it’s got worse and it’s got … Continue reading

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Back from a weird 24 hours in Liverpool

What was meant to be me going to Runcorn (Cheshire) to stay with K (one of my ex-girlfriends) turned into a drunken night of clubs and bars in Liverpool and staying at a cheap hotel in the city centre.  I … Continue reading

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The dreams in which I’m dying are the best I’ve ever had

I had a very vivid dream last night in which I’d died in a car crash in Canada.  Between death and leaving this wretched body,  S (my ex-wife and soulmate) was there to see me off and to make sure … Continue reading

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