Tag Archives: triggered

She triggered me again

K, my ex-girlfriend who I was planning to stay with for a while has triggered me again.  I understand that she’s autistic and has no filter, which causes her to be brutally honest.  But my brain doesn’t know how to … Continue reading

Posted in Transgender & Mental Health Issues | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

Another highly triggering encounter with my mother (family of origin)

TRIGGER WARNING: Self harm I had a truly awful day yesterday (Tuesday), which culminated in another major fight with my mother.  Once again, she managed to upset me when I went over to her house around lunchtime.  I only went … Continue reading

Posted in Transgender & Mental Health Issues | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 13 Comments

Fear and envy have made me hateful

I don’t find the subject of envy particularly easy to talk about, but I have no one to discuss it with and I feel no one truly understands why I feel the way that I do. It’s reached the stage … Continue reading

Posted in Transgender & Mental Health Issues | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

The toxicity of my envy (and dysphoria too)

TRIGGER WARNING: Suicide, self-harm I have a huge problem with envy of others and I can’t control it. If it’s bad, it causes me to spiral into a depressive, self-destructive episode that can last for days. I have so many … Continue reading

Posted in Transgender & Mental Health Issues | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Yesterday’s debilitating, embarassing panic attack

I don’t want to sound like a stuck record, but I’m really really really struggling.  I had a particularly awful day yesterday, which led to one of the worst panic attacks that I’ve had in a while. I went to … Continue reading

Posted in Transgender & Mental Health Issues | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 15 Comments

Ugly in the Granite City

Winston Churchill often referred to his depression as a “black dog”, but I don’t think that metaphor can be used to describe my own depression, which isn’t of this world.  I’m no Winston Churchill either; he had a purpose, which … Continue reading

Posted in Transgender & Mental Health Issues | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

I don’t believe in miracles, but it’ll take a miracle for me to stay….

I woke up around 3 am this morning from a particularly bad nightmare, which involved 2 horrible monsters: my dysphoria and feelings of envy and inferiority, this time towards my 2 younger half brothers.  In the nightmare, I jumped off … Continue reading

Posted in Transgender & Mental Health Issues | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment